It's Not Me, It's You

So...

After doing some research, I've discovered that blogger has no discovery mechanism and that anything you produce on the platform, just exists in the aether. So basically, I could write my journals on scraps of paper, fold them into paper airplanes, and fling them out the window to increase my discoverability. While it's been fun having a space to rant and rave, I'm going to go elsewhere.

Not exactly sure where I'm going to take the crazy person show, but I've been researching options. Maybe Tumblr. Or Medium. I don't know. But the point is that no one will ever find me here.

Peace, ya'll. (he said, knowing that no one was reading and would ever be reading. And also, he was not southern)

More of An Expirement Than Anything Else

You ever have something really exciting and also really disturbing happen?

I discovered Wattpad today. I've been looking for some place where I could just post fiction and get it over with, but now that I've browsed on the platform, I'm not sure that I want to... Was just cruising the sci fi section and found Age Regression Diaper 3000.

...yeah.

So that's happening on the internet. Glad we found that one out. It's got 313,000 views. Yup. The diaper story. Has 313,000 goddamn views. I seriously fear for our species. This shit right here is why the aliens won't talk to us.

Honestly, meh. I don't really give a shit what people want to fantasize about, but I wish I hadn't seen that. Either way, it's not a market where my fiction would belong. A lot of it is sensationalized, provocative type bullshit that seems ripped from the headlines of the National Enquirer from back when I was a kid. I won't be participating in any of it. I don't need readers that bad (he said, with literally zero readers).

I hit a bump on my litrpg story. Not even a bump, really, just hit the first scene where I didn't really know what happened next. So, this morning I went back to my brainstorming notes and read them over, and that gave me some ideas of what might happen next. I still don't know exactly what I'm going to write about next, which bothers me deeply, but I'm learning to be okay with it. The last scene that came at me by surprise turned out to be actually kind of good. Again, I don't know because I don't have any readers on it. But I think it's good, so it could be good or it could be crap. Who knows.

On a side note, I just read the end of Redshirts last night. It was great. It really was. But there was a bit at the end where another author mentioned having a google alert set to her name. Is that really a thing? Can one actually do that? So I'm going to test it out. I'm not expecting anything to happen, since the internet is vast and obsessed with alien sexual encounters, bigfoot stories and apparently diapers. And also, if this dude had an alert tied to his name, it must go off constantly. So again, I seriously doubt this will work.

John Scalzi. 

Musings About Sexy Yoga and Wether Or Not Art Can Exist Without An Observer. Usual Stuff.

The office where I do my writing is so hot. And not like in the sexy hot yoga way. Is hot yoga sexy pr is it just done with the heater on? I have honestly never cared to know.

I did almost get a gig doing ghostwriting. With the shitty writing that AI is doing now, it's probably hard to find someone doing proper human writing. And there's such a noticeable difference. My buddy Josh sent me some of his AI novel and it is awful. There's probably a neat idea somewhere in there, but it feels like it was written by an alien speculating about earth and humans that they've never met. And I suppose that's what it is, when you think about it.

Anyway, I almost got this one, but the client wants some kind of Fandom writing. Not to say that I wouldn't do that sort of thing, but I don't have the knowledge he needs. And that's okay. But it's go to know that someone out there needs the work that I can do. So, I guess there's that. I almost hit 1000 words on my novel for yesterday, even with the fudgery of having to switch platforms. Apparently, google docs is shit after about 10,000 words. Good to know. So now I'm doing my writing in Wavemaker.

My feelings about writing oscillate wildly. I flip from being angry because I haven't gotten any money out of it and then to just being happy I get to do it. It's weird. I'm not sure where I'm at today. I think my problem is that art is a two-way diagram. You need someone to experience the art to complete it, otherwise it is no different than nature. That sounded weird, didn't it? Let me explain (he said, knowing that literally no one was there).

If you look at a hillside, it's beautiful on it's own, right? All the sculpted lines and erosion, the mineral deposits running down the rocky surfaces and so on. But what if no one was able to see it? There are tons of natural features on Earth that no one will ever see, even more if you start looking out at other worlds and exoplanets. There might be a really breath-taking and amazing rock formation on Proxima Centauri b that no one ever gets to see. Personally, I think we'll get there someday, but that's not the point. If no one sees it, is it still beautiful?

I suppose, as an artist, I am the one experiencing my creation. And yet, since I'm making it, I can never truly see it. The diagram cannot be completed with only me. I might be feeling philosophical today. But the point is, I feel a strong need to have someone else experience my art. I feel like that's the only way it can be real. To leave my mind and enter the mind of another. 

 

Almost Zero Ranting And Craziness In This One

Considering this is the first novel I've written without an outline, it's going pretty well. I'm starting to think that outlines encourage me to overwrite. Lol. Starting to think that. They definitely do that. If I return to outlining, I'm going to make sure I keep my outlines brief and simple, like notes on the back of a napkin rather than fully-realized scenes with quoted dialogue. I found a new AI ebook listening app and I've been really enjoying an absolute banger. It's called Blind Lake. I usually only do space opera, but this one is more of a nearish future where scientists have made a quantum window to view an alien world. The sci fi concepts are great, but man, this dude really knows how people work. It's actually impressive writing. Yet again, I hope I can get there someday.

I actually really enjoyed taking apart those last two sci fi books that I found. It's fun to criticize others. Makes you feel somehow better, like the way bullies at school work. Hitting that kid in the glasses makes the bully feel stronger, which means the bully is insecure. So...I guess that means I'm insecure about my writing so I want knock down the writing of others. Yup. That's me. Another character flaw that I hope to grow out of.

I know I've said this before, but I really hope that LitRPG sticks. That is to say, I hope it doesn't run out of steam like some of the others genres I've written. I was just sifting through one on Royal Road today (I won't get too negative, I promise [he said, knowing that literally no one was reading]) Anyway, I was using text from it to test an AI read aloud extension. But I couldn't help but be struck with how...not good it was. There was some kind of potion mixing going on, a lot about crafting vitality pills (boner pills?) and way too much goddamn pastry talk. I almost left a review to that effect, but I didn't. That one zero star review I got on Smashreads still haunts me. I won't do that to another writer because their work just isn't my thing. But I was wondering if the writer was going for a cozy low-stakes fantasy? I guess low-stakes is something that people look for online.

I originally set out to write a more grounded Dungeon Crawler Carl, since it seems like Carl is very lucky and blessed (chosen, prophesied, Harry Potterized, Jesusified) from an early point in the story. Admittedly, I lean on this trope a bit in my own story and I intend to lean on it more, but I really want to see my hero progress. I'm going for maximum limit progression fantasy. Maybe not maximum, I don't want to see my hero become a god. But you get the idea. A rags to riches story. I doubt I'll ever know if it's any good because I still can't find anyone who wants to read it for free and give me some actual feedback. I've been considering hiring someone, if I have to, but I'm terribly afraid of money pits. I was hoping my friend Josh would be a good fiction partner, but I expect that I intimidated him away. I might get him to collaborate with me on my next novel, since he's more of an idea guy and less of a workhorse. 

No. I have not given up on this foolish venture.

 My writing schedule right now can be pretty frustrating. I'm glad I don't actually have deadlines to hit, otherwise it would be even more frustrating. Basically, I end up not being able to write about every other week, because those are the times when my wife is not working and I want to spend it with her and the kids. Maybe someday, (SOMEDAY!) when we get something more permanent figured out, I can have a more stable writing schedule.

I did discover some get TTS apps the other day. My ability to consume books is currently at an all time high. So, that's awesome. I do find myself wondering how many people actually know that these options exist. I doubt it will be long before these options are incorporated into official reading apps like Kindle and what have you, if they haven't already. The one that I'm using has excellent inflection. It makes errors occasionally, but I've heard human narrators that make the same kinds of errors. I still remember the book that I was listening to where the lady said nec-RAMEN-sir. Lol. The word was "necromancer". If you knew anything about fantasy, you'd never make that mistake. But either way, the AIs make mistakes on that level.

I still find myself doing more text in this stupid blog than I do on my novel project. It's probably always going to be this way, because ranting and rambling simply comes easier than creating a coherent narrative. Notice I used the word "coherent" there? Because incoherent bullshit is akin to rambling and that's what people think novelists do. They just "make stuff up", don't they? I think that's why journal-style fiction is so popular. It's damn easy to write. Fall out of bed and into a manuscript. The popularity of it is what baffles me. 

Alistair Reynolds, In the Garden, With the Vibrator, Diddling Becky Chambers and Elizabeth Bear

To make my writing feel different from the other stuff I do, I've been disconnecting my laptop from my setup with my TV and sitting with it in my lap in my big comfy chair. It's been helping me focus. I think because it feels different. Kind of like the difference between being at home and being at work. Your brain slides into those needed routines because they are routine. Things have changed. Well, whatever it is, it's been helping.

I've been playing some chiptune music for background, but I really like it. Lol. Might be too distracting for me. Again, I respond well to routines. Not always. If it's a routine that I set and I enjoy, I respond well. If I have to follow someone else's routine, I do terribly. But this is my routine, so I feel good. Got about 10,000 words on my novel so far and I feel like I've barely scratched the surface. I'm usually an outliner and I think that part of the fun is that I'm not outlining this one. I have a reasonably clear picture in my head of where I want the story to go in broader strokes. Some possible answers to mysteries that I've presented and some possible developments to story hooks that I've drawn. But the basics of it is still unknown to me. And I love basics.

I'm doing my best to avoid filler, and when I can't, I find it during editing and zap it. I fucking hate reading a book with any usage of filler. Yeah. I'm that guy. Don't describe that fucking door. Just walk through it or don't. Really? A three-page scene of the humans playing with what turns out to be an advanced human spacesuit from another country and not alien technology? I'm talking to you, Alistair Reynolds. Motherfucker. I read Pushing Ice.

That brings me to another thing. Goddamn social commentary and politics in a novel. Back the fuck off. I think they disguise these things as fiction because they know that no one with read their political tirades any other way. I actually DNF'd a book on page three (almost never DNF) because I could tell the author was an idiot who wanted to shoehorn their political bullshit in between the pages. A few people recommended a series by Elizabeth Bear (I read a lot of space opera) and I tried the first one. It was called Ancestral Night. And in the first few pages, we got a same sex couple (oh the scandal!) and the casual note that it is illegal to own any sentient being in the galaxy.

I have no issues with the first bit, but the second bit threw me out of the book completely. I actually put the book in the garbage can. Also, I never do that. But here is the answer to the inevitable why that you must be asking. Why would that drive me insane?

Just think about that.

You know what, fuck it. Don't think about that. I'm getting a quote. Okay, I was wrong about the exact quote, but here it is. She's talking about a ship AI here.

"We called him Singer. If Singer had an opinion on the issue, he’d never registered it—but he never complained. Singer was the shipmind as well as the ship—or at least, he inhabited the ship’s virtual spaces the same way we inhabited the physical ones—but my partner Connla and I didn’t own him. You can’t own a sentience in civilized space."

There is a lot going on with this passage. For one, it's lukewarm. Make up your mind. Is he a fucking ship or a ship AI? Does he have a goddamn name or not? Oh really, that's how computer's work? By inhabiting the virtual spaces in the same ways that we inhabit the physical ones? Good god. And how do you know he identifies as a man?

The only thing she's not lukewarm about is this ridiculous proclamation that it's illegal to own a sentience in civilized space. How would you possibly enforce that? Even if you had instantaneous travel and numerous nodes or autonomous algorithms (oh wait, you can't own those). That's the other thing. What is the limit between sentience and non-sentience? Why even have a living ship if it can just choose to disobey your commands because you can't own it?

Anyway, this was a clear ramp up (at least to me) for this author to start yammering about the undoubtedly vital political issues that must penetrate her every waking thought. And some people like that. I've read good read reviews where people have said "I was hoping for more exploration of modern politics in this outer space fantasy". I really have. Don't make me quote it.

More Stupid Musings That No One Will Read

Writing is fun. It's hard, but it's still fun. Even if I never get anything out of it, I'm still having a good time. And I guess that's to be given some weight. And honestly, writing GameLit or LitRPG (or whatever it is that I'm writing) is the most fun that I've ever had writing. And again, that should say something. I have a tendency to get obsessed. You may have noticed. Lol. And that obsession leads into a kind of Stockholme's reaction, I guess. I get interested in a genre because it's popular, even though my own taste in books is pretty narrow. I tend to get the idea than anything is easier to write than my favorite genre. It's a weird, kind of toxic reaction, maybe?

I've dabbled in crime fiction. Detective fiction. Sci fi was actually my first followed by medieval fantasy. I did some erotica. Urban fantasy. Space opera. Dystopian. Cyberpunk. And now I'm into LitRPG. I honestly couldn't tell you if any of them are my favorite. For a long time, it was space opera, but I think the pressure of actually writing one was too much for me. I end up going impossibly grand and dense. And ultimately fluffy.

The point is, this genre I'm in now is a lot of fun and I can see why people like it. But I do see a lot of poorly written novels gaining success, which I find pretty odd. More than anything LitRPG reminds me of the classic sci fi pulp serials. They aren't trying to solve and world issues, or politics, or even speculate on anything. They just want to give their audience a thrill. And the best way to do that is target their daily fantasies. As a kid, I remember video games really infiltrating my fantasy life and I would often imagine I'd brought into a game, or a world from a game or something that worked like a game. But for me, the actually nuts and bolt of the game itself were secondary. Mostly, I don't even think about those things. I'm going for immersion. I want to be that character doing that thing.

Anyway, it makes sense is all I'm driving at. Games are accessible. More accessible even that movies and tv shows. People in my generation want to do something rather than sit there and have the story happen to us. We want to make the decisions rather than seeing someone else make them. I myself am one of those. When I want entertainment, do I pull up a show or a movie? No. I play a game or listen to a book. Probably both at the same.